Being

May 31, 2012

"To be or not to be: that is the question." -William Shakespeare

Back in Yakama. In some ways it feels like I never left, but then the ministry has grown so much, in other ways it's like starting over. After getting to see one of the lovely friends I made last summer (shout out to Julie Bilbro), we drove to the reservation from Seattle, and got here last Wednesday.

Day 1 consisted of meeting the other interns, greeting the six new puppies at the Granberry house, choosing my bunk bed (top bunk), and going through those awkward get-to-know-you stages. The first ten days of this adventure begins with orientation, which is quickly coming to a close as the first team arrives on Saturday. We talk about why we're here, the Yakama culture, the various aspects of the ministry here. We also try to figure each other out based on fun tests that reveal our conflict styles (I'm an avoiding turtle with competing shark/accommodating teddy bear tendencies) and personalities in order to be able to work and serve together well.

One of our orientation days was spent discussing why we're here. Ministry was defined as "being," to be wherever God has put you wholeheartedly-physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Chris pointed out that a name used for God is Yahweh, which translated is "I am"- a form of 'to be.' Our goal individually and as a team is "to be" here in Yakama with all we have to give.

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men Colossians 3:23

Friday night we got to hang out with the youth at the church building. Seeing familiar faces, hearing some say "I remember you."But also a plethora of new faces. Our night was spent roasting hot dogs and smores (laughing when seeing Jesse's beard covered in marshmallow), playing an epic game of capture the flag which covered a large portion of the property (girls vs. boys-pacing the boundary line, inching across while sometimes running with all your energy to free the people from prison), and singing praise songs by the bonfire watching the sun set. A good night. One of the youth, Thomas, prayed at the end. At one point he said something like, "Watch over us...like you always do." It was cool to see him acknowledge God's continual protection over us.

Yesterday we went on a road trip to Chinook Pass. The day was filled with snowball fights and fellowship. We used garbage bags as sleds, which resembled diapers.
Today will be more orientation, food prep, and kids ministry prep. Here we go!

Walking on Water

May 18, 2012

"If you wish to be a writer, write."

A Greek philosopher by the name of Epictetus said that. I don't know much about him or any other Greek philosophers for that matter, but I stumbled upon that quote once and I really liked it. It makes the task of being a writer sound so simple. 

I enjoy writing, it's proven to be a great outlet for me. It allows me the time to carefully choose my words and articulate the thoughts swimming around in my head. It makes it easier to communicate these thoughts to other people, when so often my spoken words end up jumbled and messy. What I've found to be most valuable is that writing allows me to reflect. I can look back over the events of my life and find things I didn't see while in the midst of the storm. 

I never thought I'd be a blogger, maybe I won't be, but we'll give it a go. I thought I’d try it on for size as a way to keep my lovely friends and family updated on my summer on the Yakama Indian Reservation out in Washington state. This will be my second summer working as an intern with Sacred Road Ministries. The Granberry family moved out to the reservation almost 9 years ago with the desire to love and serve “our first neighbors” well. To learn about Sacred Road, the Yakama people, and their ministry go to their website, www.sacredroadministries.com.

Now why did I choose to entitle my blog "Calm in the Storm"? First of all let me say, I love titles. It draws a reader in, sparks their curiosity. More importantly, there's always a story behind a title. 

I chose this title because I'm pursuing a calm in the storm of my life. This calm being a metaphor for Jesus. My favorite passage in the Bible comes from Matthew 14. The section I'm referring to comes from verses 22-33 where Jesus walks on the water: 

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage!" It is I. Don't be afraid." 

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." Matthew 14:22-33

Right before this story we find the parable of Jesus feeding the five thousand. This provides an example of how the disciples must trust Jesus. He would not let the people that wanted to hear His word go hungry. It serves as a transition to the story of Jesus walking on water as the author shows Peter’s faltering faith. I like this passage because I identify with Peter and that fact jabs me in the heart. Many times over the past six years I’ve found myself jumping out of the boat going out to meet Jesus, but as the wind blows I let fear overcome me, I lose focus, and I take my eyes off Him. But I love that as soon as Peter cries out, Jesus immediately reaches his hand out to catch him. I'm finding that God often times gives us things to do that don’t seem to line up with the plans we have for ourselves. The things He asks us to do seem too big. Peter discovers this to be true. Walking on water is not a skill people normally possess. Peter can't do it on his own, but in trusting Jesus he finds that he is equipped with the skills necessary to walk on water. Only when he doubts, does he begin to sink.  

Life’s wind will blow; it's inevitable because of the fallen, sinful world we live in. The question is, will we sink or walk on water?

I arrive in Yakama May 23! Please keep the Yakama people and the Sacred Road team in your thoughts and prayers. I know God will do incredible things this summer, and I’ll do my best to keep you updated. Until next time…

Testimony

March 22, 2012

With almost a sad look in his eyes, he said, “You’re going to change.”

I think I knew that statement was true, but I had no idea what that change would look like and how it would change my perspective on life.

I turned 20 at the beginning of the summer. This year has proven to be more challenging than years past for a number of reasons. I’ve never really been one to analyze my feelings and emotions-that just sounds icky, but sometimes life forces you to. I’ve been thinking about my testimony lately, so I thought I might write the story of how God has brought me safe thus far.

I grew up in a Christian home and attended a Christian elementary school. I’m thankful to have two wonderful parents that love the Lord and instilled that love in me from a young age. My parents lead by example. To see my dad giving his time and money to different ministries despite his crazy busy work schedule has always inspired me. I hope to have that same compassion he has for others.

I used to think my story was boring, but as I grow older I know this is not the case. The paths I take have been specifically designed for me and it’s an adventure to say the least. My story begins with a 5 year old Molly. I accepted Jesus into my heart in kindergarten. I remember being outside my house, looking up at the sky, asking if He would come into my heart. I know He did that day even though my grasp of His love and mercy was sufficiently inadequate (and still probably is). Throughout middle school and high school God equipped me with knowledge of His Word through a great youth group, but it wasn’t until I went on a mission trip down to the Gulf Coast and later after my sophomore year of high school to the Yakama Indian Reservation, that I began to understand life as a Christian isn’t about me. To see the world outside the Christian bubble I had been living in woke me up. It shocked me to find people that didn’t know who Jesus was or what He had done. I was exposed to a brokenness I had never encountered or maybe just hadn’t looked for before. I got involved helping with the junior high youth group during my senior year of high school and discovered a love for ministry. Later in college I got involved with a youth group here in Oxford. This brings us to this past summer when God took me to the Yakama Rez to spend 3 months serving Him and working with Sacred Road Ministries. The Rez has played a huge role in my story because it is there Jesus showed me the hopelessness of trying to live this life on my own. He broke me down, it’s where I found myself to be a hopeless sinner in need of a great Savior, and with that knowledge my view of the cross has increased, a dependence on Christ is where I live my life, resting on Him because I can’t stand on my own. Each day I’m learning to love others because of the love He has shown me.

Before I left to begin the internship a friend looked at me and said, “You’re going to change.” I tried to brush it off and just get on the plane. My summer was spent cooking for teams, preparing for kids club, cleaning, playing with kids, living in fellowship with other believers, trying to share Christ's love, crying with those that were hurting. In those months I saw brokenness, but I also saw the light of Christ. [For more, see entries June 18, July 11, and August 27.] When I returned to Mississippi, the world didn’t look the same anymore. Home didn’t feel like home and ultimately that’s because this isn’t my home; there’s a place for me in heaven. I struggled with all kinds of emotions from sadness to anger to confusion. I got back and I felt an overwhelming sadness for the people I had interacted with over the summer. My heart literally ached and I didn’t like it. I became angry with God for making me feel this way. I wanted life to go back to how it had been before the summer. I guess that meant a life where I kept my eyes closed to pain. I didn’t want to read my Bible because I was mad that I felt so crummy. I think I knew that the Bible would be a place of refuge, but I didn’t want it. I just wanted to be sad for a while. I felt “spent”.  I had difficulty being around people, I couldn’t invest in anyone anymore and that might have been the worst part of it all. Feeling alone. To escape my thoughts I would watch movies or sleep, anything that would turn my brain off.

At the end of Bible Study on Tuesday nights during the summer, Chris would always ask, “How did you see the Lord working?” As I’ve struggled this past year, I thought I might write about how I’ve seen Him work in my life. I was stretched over the summer. Stretched to love our “first neighbors” well. Stretched to serve the Lord. But then the summer ended and the life I had built on the rez was suddenly completely gone. There were a lot of changes. I lost a grandparent, I lost my car, I lost a friendship. Those things in my life that had been familiar were disappearing. I had been home for two and a half weeks when my grandfather passed away. I was still emotionally drained from the summer, so it hit me pretty hard. On the way to the funeral, my little brother and I got in a car wreck. My brother and I were fine, but my car was totaled. Weeping hysterically on the side of a busy Jackson intersection, I asked my dad, “Why? Why today?” He didn’t have an answer at that moment, but later that day he said, “You know, Molly, I think that might be God’s way of saying, ‘I'm going to protect you.'” I was thinking, ‘really? He couldn't think of a better way to say that?’ But, yeah, I guess that was the only way to get me to listen. In the midst of it all, all those overwhelming emotions I was feeling, God was there, is there, protecting me. He's the one that will carry the burdens of the world. I don't have to. I was trying so hard to carry them myself, but I couldn’t.

This year I’ve seen how God has used the people in my life to speak to me-whether it be in a conversation with my dad or a hug from a friend or those great roommates that will just cry with me.

I had these scars on my arms from the wreck. I saw them everyday and it frustrated me because I didn’t want to think about that day. A few weeks later in Sunday school we were talking about the scars Jesus has on his hands from when he was hung on the cross. Scars don’t go away. In the same way, what Jesus did on the cross doesn’t go away. In coming to earth, living and dying, He washed my sins away for good. His scars are a symbol of an act that will never fade. In that I am secure.

This year I’ve dealt with a lot of selfishness and control issues. I feel like Peter when he goes to meet Jesus out on the water. I jump out of the boat to meet Him, but then I take my eyes off Him and start to sink. If I just keep my eyes on Him, I’ll get there safely enough. But my inclination is to look down.

""Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"" Matthew 14:29-31

I may have lost a few things along the way, but He used that to point me to Him. And through these struggles I’ve gained some things that I wouldn’t dream of trading.

I’ve gained deeper relationships with my best friends.

I’ve gained a deeper appreciation for the cross.

I’ve gained the security of knowing my identity is in Christ alone.

I’ve gained eyes to see that these trials are working together for my good.

Father really does know best.

I’ll be going back to Yakama this summer. Again, I feel like I’m jumping out of the boat. There’s excitement for sure because there’s nothing more incredible than seeing Christ light up such a dark place. But there’s also fear. I’m afraid to open my heart again. It hurt last time. I don’t know if I can do it again. But that’s just it, I’ve got to trust that God will give me the strength, will give me the courage, will give me the ability to love mercy, do justice, and walk humbly. Without Him, I am nothing.

So, yeah, I think I've changed, but maybe a better word is grown. Seeing what I've seen, learning what I've learned, how could I not?

My God is so Big

August 27, 2011

Dear Homies,

Wowzers. What a summer! I’ll start with a huge “thank you”. Those words seem incredibly inadequate. This summer has been such a blessing, and it wouldn’t have been possible without your support (both financially and in prayer)! I got the chance to live amongst and love the people of White Swan. My heart feels a terrible ache as I recently had to say, “see you later” to a lot of people. I’m told this feeling is good because it means I opened my heart and loved, but it hurts all the same. I long for the day when we’re all in heaven together and there are no more of these awful goodbyes.

You may be wondering, ‘What did you do this summer?’ Simply put I cooked and played with kids. If you know me, you’ll know the last place Molly is likely to be found is a kitchen. I was out of my comfort zone for sure. God gives us strength in our weaknesses and He is glorified. I can now cook for about 70 people. If you’d like to have a party, I can help you out. Maybe we could have some baked ziti and carrot cake. During a “quick” Costco run with about two orange carts piled up to the max, a lady standing in line behind us asked, “Are you getting ready for a party?” I replied, “Yeah, something like that.” I like to think a gathering of God’s people is kind of like a party. Unfortunately, after all this cooking training I have no idea how to cook for the ridiculously small number of 3 in my apartment. Throughout the summer we hosted 5 teams where they roofed homes and loved on children at various kids clubs.

Something this year’s intern team experienced more than others in years past was the opportunity to interact with the youth. The youth group is growing, and we had the chance to be a part of that. The youth are great, and I absolutely loved getting to know them. There’s nothing quite like playing volley-four square on a Sunday afternoon or having an epic water fight in the Granberrys’ back yard. Sonovia will forgive you if you accidentally get marshmallow on her jacket at a bonfire and Yaanibaah will try to convince you she doesn’t love Justin Beiber. Serving alongside them at Tuesday night Bible study was a beautiful picture of community.

Kids club. One of my favorite parts of the summer. I had the chance to lead the Bible stories each day. I got kids to be in the story, dressed them in costumes, and as I narrated I would feed them lines. By the end of the summer kids would run up to me at the beginning of kids club asking, “Molly! Molly! Can I be in the story?” To which I would reply, “Sure!” It was neat to see them get so excited about being in the stories each day. After snacks, story, and a prayer, we would sing a few songs. A kids club classic? “My God is so Big”.  A little girl named Jadin loved to hop on my back every day as I led the singing. One day after we finished our singing she was still there on my back.  She demanded, “Sing My God is so Big!” How could I say no? We started singing together, meanwhile I’m trying my best to do the hand motions and keep her secure on my back. Once we finished, her older sister Jenny was standing there. She says to me, “She sings that song in the shower all the time. And she sings really loud!” It’s funny because I can picture her singing that song at the top of her lungs. Most of the time we have no idea if the seeds we plant will bear fruit. How many other stories are there like this? Only God knows and He’ll be with those kids when I’m all the way over here in Mississippi. It’s not really about me anyway; it’s not me they need, it’s Jesus.

 I was walking my little friend Alexsia home from kids club on the last day. When we got there I needed one more hug. As I hugged her, I looked down at her and said, “I love you, and Jesus does too. Can you remember that?” She simply looked up at me and smiled. It hurt to say that and then leave. It hurts to pour yourself out. You’ve just got to trust that God will refill you.

Precious 9-year-old Connie with a smile that would melt a snowman in Alaska made me a card before I left. I opened it and the only words inside were, “see you next summer.” If you were to ask me if I was considering returning next summer, I would just show you that card. I’m already thinking and praying about it. We’ll see what God has in store for me.

In Christ, 

Molly 

Emmanuel

July 11, 2011

She looked over and asked, “Are they leaving?”

“Yeah," I replied, "they’ve got to go home.”

“Will you still be here?”

“Yeah, I’ll still be here.”

Teams generally save their best crafts for the last day of kids club. This past week they spray-painted t-shirts. The kids loved it. They got to spray the shirts themselves and then ran around getting as many signatures as they could. The kids know that the best crafts mean the group of people that have been playing with them all week are leaving. This is when Ganell asked me if they were leaving. No surprise there. But then she asked me if I were staying. I smiled at first because I felt wanted and even needed. But as I later thought about this tiny dialogue between the two of us, it started to break my heart. I realized I won’t always be there playing hopscotch and blowing bubbles at Adam’s View with these kids that have stolen my heart. These moments are fleeting and at times I wonder why God’s brought me here. I feel so helpless. Then I thought about one of the names we have for our God. Emmanuel, which means God with us. Even when I’m gone, He’ll still be here. I want so desperately for these kids to grasp that. I don’t want them to see me, but to see Christ through me. I don’t know what hope they have or any of us have other than the hope of Jesus Christ.

Love. This word is tossed around in conversations daily. Do any of us really know what it truly means? We listened to a Tim Keller sermon on 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 the other day. Take another look at the passage so often used at weddings from a different perspective. One of his main points was that love is a power and a person. God personifies love. He is love. Verses 4-7 are a description of Jesus on the cross. We learn to love by being loved. Most of the kids on the rez don’t get the love they need from resources I find so common like the love from my parents. Most suffer from RAD, reactive attachment disorder, or FAS, fetal alcohol syndrome. There’s a 5-year-old little girl named Jadin who I’m almost certain suffers from RAD, which is caused by physical, emotional, or sexual abuse and neglect. It was a Friday at kids club with Team 2. I said the usual ‘see you later’ to this little girl. She skipped towards her house talking over her shoulder, “I’ll miss you, Molly. I love you.” I still don’t know what to do with that. It was maybe the tenth day I’d known her. That phrase shouldn’t disturb me like it does. Does she feel Christ’s love as she jumps rope with team members? Or as they comply to the pleadings for a piggyback ride?

Those are a few things on my mind. Please keep praying for the Yakama people. “Prayer is the most powerful power tool we have.”-Uncle Dave, work site coordinator for Sacred Road

My God reigns!

June 18, 2011

How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!" Isaiah 52:7

I keep thinking about this verse at the end of each day here on the reservation in Yakama, Washington. My feet are not beautiful; they’re disgusting. I’m pretty sure I have permanent dirt stains on the bottom of my feet. But this verse probably isn’t referring to the physical appearance of feet. And besides, Jesus had to get down and dirty when he came down to Earth to conquer sin and death. Not that I think I’m on the same level as Jesus, far from it in fact, but I am truly learning what it means to be a servant for Christ this summer. My God reigns!

I’ve come to Yakama on one-week mission teams over the past four years, and being on the Sacred Road team this summer would make it the fifth year these people have had a special place in my heart. It’s hard for me to put into words what makes this place so special. Chris Granberry, the main missionary man, explained it like this, “as we serve the Yakama people, we discover the heart of our own story.” There’s so much brokenness here but the thing that makes it different is that there’s an openness about this brokenness. And there’s beauty in the brokenness. Coming from a suburban town, I find that so often we (and when I say we, I mean me) hide our sin and we try to make it look like we have everything together. But we are all fallen. We all struggle. We all need a Savior.

Being an intern is completely different from coming on one-week teams. I’ve started wondering, ‘how is it that I saw anything in those tiny weeks?’ We’ve had our first team week and they’re already gone! It happened so fast. One of the greatest things about coming back each year is that I get to see the progression of time. It amazes me each time I return the incredible things God is doing here. A few examples? The youth group and the new building Sacred Road has purchased in hopes of transforming it into a church building. The youth group has grown so much since the last time I’ve been here. The youth are beginning to take roles of leadership in things such as Tuesday night Bible study at the longhouse and are learning what healthy relationships look like. They’re growing in Christ and they’re growing together. We got to take a tour of the new building the other day. I got so excited when we started looking around. The only thing I could think was ‘God is good.’ He provides. The whole bottom floor will be used for youth ministry, and they also plan to have volleyball courts and other games set up outside. They hope this building will become an oasis for those who come. A place where they can feel safe and learn more about Jesus.

I’ve spent most of my time in the kitchen so far. Why they keep me in there? I have no idea. I don’t have a lot of kitchen skills. But I am learning. In this culture, food=love. I’ve already seen this act of love demonstrated by others in the community. Their sense of family and community is overwhelming. Because the Granberrys and other staff are like family to them, we are treated as family too. It’s something I’ve never really experienced before. Della makes us fry bread, and Moses provided us with huckleberries (which I got to use to make huckleberry jam!). All this to say, working in the kitchen isn’t all that bad.

In the afternoons we have kids club. I’ve been put in charge of crafts and skits at Adams View, a government housing project on the rez. We’ve had about 30 kids show up each day. It’s so fun to be able to share the Good News with them. One day I was coloring with a little girl. It was a hand that said, “Hold my hand, Lord.” It had a rainbow, cross, and other things on it to color. As the girl started to color the cross, I asked her, “Do you know what that is?” She shook her head. She didn’t know who Jesus was either. It caught me off guard. I’ve grown up in a place where everyone at least knew who Jesus was. I had the awesome opportunity to tell her. I’ve also gotten to do the skits at Adams View, which means I pick some kids to be in it and feed them lines as I narrate the story. I asked a girl named Ganelle to play the part of Mary in one of the skits. She asked, “Who’s Mary?” And then I got to tell her! That’s probably my favorite part of doing the skits. The summer is off to a great start. There are so many wonderful things happening here in the midst of a broken people. I survived Team week 1. Here comes Team 2.